Radioactive Reflections

In thinking about my experience, I keep remembering some things I forgot to add in my previous posts. So, here we go! After leaving the hospital, I felt pretty good (even stayed up and sewed an apron, of all things!?). I was smiling and upbeat. I felt really good. This was, as I learned, because it takes 24 hours for the RAI to really get into your system. My Endo had told me that after taking the pill I would be able to be off of the Low Iodine Diet (the angels in my head rejoiced!), and the nuclear med tech said the same thing. I was fully planning on a good "real" meal. However, when Mr. Weird doctor met with me he told me no way! That I would have to wait until Friday, but then we compromised on 24 hours later, which would have been dinner on Thursday.

My parents were ready to pick up Fuzzy's chips and queso and fish tacos for me. But, as we know, that was not to be (not yet, anyway!).

Here we are, day three, and all I've had to eat today is a few pieces of toast. This nausea has been something I didn't anticipate. I wish people would just be honest. I realize that everyone has a different experience, but for some reason, I feel like people I've talked to who have gone through this have minimized what it is like. That, or I'm really just a wuss! I know more than one person has said to me (doctor's included) that this is the "radiation that you get that doesn't make you sick". This is, of course, coming from a doctor who hasn't gone through it himself.

I think part of my exhaustion is due to my body still being very hypothyroid. This is because I was off of my synthetic thyroid replacement medicine for so long. I was able to start taking it again on Thursday morning, but I've only had three pills so far. I'm guessing it will take a week at least for it to really get back into my system. Needless to say, I've spent many MANY hours sleeping, and I look forward to not waking up tired!

So, that first night while I was sleeping I remember waking up and feeling like I had fire coming out through my pores. It was mostly in my lower extremities- most especially my right leg and thigh, for some reason. It was the weirdest sensation. It didn't last long, and I was able to get back to sleep quickly, but it definitely woke me up. I had also taken a Phenergan and remember "waking up" (realized later it was all a dream- I must have been hallucinating a bit) and walking to the door in my room. I opened it because I heard talking in the great room. I saw my mom out there talking with a handsome young man who was a plumber... and he had a really cool big white dog with him. Don't ask?! I have no explanation....

I talked before about the sore salivary glands and puffy face. This IS something they told me to expect. You know when you eat something sour, like a lemon and you get that TWANG in your jaw or by your ears?.. that is where it was super sore!

The salivary glands by my cheeks, in front of my ears were the worst! Swollen and very sore to touch! It made my face look funny in the "oooh that's weird" way, not a "haha" funny way. I looked like a chipmunk with nuts in my cheeks.  

Okay, maybe not *that* puffy! Tee hee!

Well, they tell you to suck on sour hard candy starting on day two to help get those salivary glands working and to draw out the radiation. They suggest lemon drops... let me just tell you when you pop one of those suckas into your mouth with sore and swollen salivary glands, it quickly introduces you to a whole new level of TWANG! I'm talking, brace yourself with your hands and try to focus on not yelping a little- level!

This was really bad the first day after RAI, a little better on the second day, and here I am on day three and the swelling is hardly there and it doesn't hurt when I push on those areas anymore! Yay!

I have never taken as many showers in three days as I have since I came here. They say to shower frequently to help wash out and wash off the radiation (that exits your body through your pores, sweat, tears, urine, and feces). I am squeaky clean, that is for sure!

Oh, and be sure to flush two or three times..... (sorry mom and dad for the water bill!).

For some reason I woke up on the second day and my voice was HOARSE!! Like, really hoarse and raspy. It seemed to get worse as the day went on, too. By the end of the day I hardly had any voice at all. I am sure it was related to the salivary glad swelling- causing swelling in my throat. My throat was minimally sore, but I did sound like a man! I'd be willing to bet if I had called someone who didn't know me they would have called me a "sir". When I woke up this morning I was still hoarse, but it has improved greatly throughout the day. I'm sure my voice will be back to normal by tomorrow.

As today  has worn on, I have started to feel a little better. I haven't taken a Phenergan since this morning and I've been ok. I haven't had much energy though, and have laid around most of the day. I'm hoping for some energy tomorrow so that I can start sewing things. I brought a bunch of stuff to sew and projects to finish.. so I'm eager to get going on them!

How I became Radiation Girl

Okay, so to review:
* August 23, 2010 I felt a lump on my neck.
I went in and had bloodwork, ultrasound, FNA (fine needle aspiration) biopsies, consults with two surgeons
* September 21, 2010 had a Total Thyroidectomy
* October 5th went off of my thyroid replacement medication to prepare for my RAI
* October 25th started Low Iodine Diet to prepare for RAI
* November 2nd had myTSH  levels checked to see if they were at least 40 to see if I could start my RAI (they were 62!)
* They scheduled my RAI for November 10th
Before I could go in for the RAI, they had to do a pregnancy test, as standard protocol for anyone of child-bearing age. I went in on Monday the 8th for the blood draw and the nurse called me on Tuesday, but I missed her call. She left a message with her direct extension. She didn't leave any results, just told me to call her. OMG! I freaked! Was I pregnant?!?!? I would DIE! I called her back and she just had questions about my disability paperwork! Schew! I told her she gave me a heart attack... and she cracked up! Yes, yes, very funny. I was scheduled to check in at admissons at 1:30.


My babies were home with me that day because Benjamin had come down with the stomach virus the day before (Tuesday)  that was running through daycare. I guess him being out the ENTIRE week before with an ear infection and virus with high fever wasn't enough! Turns out that Brooke got it Wednesday and Corey came down with it on Thursday!! HOLY moses!!! Enough already!!!
Anyway, before I left, I had gotten both babies to sleep. This is how they were when I left, bawling, for the hospital. God, I miss them like crazy!!

My sweet Brooke is under there. I was crying when I told her goodnight and that I was going to miss her and how much I loved her. After I walked out I heard her start crying, so I went back in and asked if she was ok. She said she needed one more hug and kiss. OMG, heatbreaking. I gave her another long hug and more kisses.

My gentle baby Benjamin. Poor thing was still under the weather and exhausted from being sick. (He is wearing the bib as a puke catcher- just in case). Oh how I miss kissing and holding him in my arms.

Sheesh! I'm a crying mess typing this! 

This is my plastic lined seat for my ride to my parents house after the pill.

I got to the hospital and got all checked in. Then they sent me down to the Nuclear Medicine department in the basement. I had to walk by this:

WHAT ON EARTH?!?!? I can't think of WHY one would need to be zipped in to their bed....

So, a LOT of things about this picture make me laugh. For one, would it kill them to order some new letters?! Also, the sign with the red arrow says, "New GED classroom!". That makes me giggle for some reason.

Ohh, an improvement! Almost had all of the letters here, just missing the S in Ultrasound! The spelling freak in me twitches when things are misspelled. If I had a marker with me I just may have written in the missing letters...

I had to wait for a while in the waiting room until the Nuke Med doc could see me. Apparently there was someone else who was becoming Radioactive before me. For those of you know me, this will come as a shock to you, but I chatted up the other people in the waiting room. One lady was there waiting for her mom who was doing her pre-op. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer at age 75, but they caught it early. There was another lady who was there for a bone scan- she has had breast cancer for 10 years and it has been in her bones, but she was very optimistic and positive. She said it has been very manageable with medication. Then there was two sisters who were there with their pastor and their mom who had recently found a lump in her neck. She was there for a biopsy. One sister had lost her son 10 years ago- I didn't catch how, but how sad. :( The other sister's husband and son were in a terrible auto accident 8 years ago and the husband was Care Flighted to the hospital we were at. He is doing well, but has some paralysis from the accident. He broke his neck and had spinal cord injuries. He was hit by a druggie who had stolen $15 of gas and took off. He caused their car to flip over and roll. Her son was much better off b/c they were on the way to a Pee Wee football game and he was in all of his gear- helmet even, and it protected him. Sort of makes you want to get in football gear every time you drive! The pastor that was with them was the sweetest old man! I loved him! He scared us all though when he got up to get something to drink. His leg had fallen asleep and he tripped and fell on the floor!!! YIKES! It was super scary- all of us women jumped up and helped him. He was ok though! Then they called me back.

I met with Johnny, the coolest and nicest, and most imformative Nuclear Med Tech that ever existed. Seriously, this is one cool dude. I certainly appreciated all of the information he gave me. I had called and talked to him at length and also come down and met with him prior to today. He always was very nice and never acted like I was a bother with all of my questions! This is where we had our little "consult" and where the doctor came in to talk to me as well. The doctor was a little odd... I think the Radiation may  have gotten to him a bit.

So, here is the 15lb box that contains my pills inside! HEAVY little sucker!

This is on the warning on the door of the room I was in to take my pill and where I had to wait for 30 minutes before I was able to leave.

Two pills of Radioactive Iodine (I-131). 153.9mCi.  Powerful little suckers! The tech watched me swallow them and then left me for 30 minutes. Of course, I explored! :)

I found this bag. They really should make you wear this on your way out of the hospital.

I should have asked to take one home as a souvenir.

There were several magazines on the table... but all were OLD!! I think the *newest* one was from 2008!

This was one side of the room- apparently techs sleep here?....

This is where I sat, facing the wall, and looking at the stacks of OLD as dirt magazines.

The sign on the door was funny. Not sure why anyone would want to sleep in the room where they put patients to become radioactive.... but who am I to judge? If you are tired, sleep, I suppose!

I was bored, so I played the "which magazine is the oldest" game. I made it up on the spot. This one took the prize! October of 2003!!! Wow!

Then my time was up and the tech came in with the Geiger Counter to measure my level of radioactivity. He let me take a picture of the device. He was so cool! He even turned the sound on it and went down the hall far away then as he walked closer and closer to me it got louder and Louder and LOUDER as he got closer to me! Crazy!

I was finally on my way to my parents. It is hard to see in this picture, but the guy on the motorcycle had a stuffed parrot on the back of his bike with a sign on him that said "Get off of your phone and drive!". The irony is not lost on me that I took this picture with my cell phone....

And...ooops! Corey left me with an empty tank! I prayed that I would make it to my parents without having to stop to get gas and expose the general public to my radioactivity!

Here is where I am staying until November 21st. Could be worse, huh?! It is a gorgeous and spacious guest room and I am so blessed to be able to stay here and be taken care of by my parents! I am one lucky girl!

This table is all set up for my sewing machine and the projects that I hope to do once I get to feeling better.

There was a cooler of drinks for me. You have to really push the fluids to get the radiation out of you!

Here's some of the post RAI precautions. They are nutty!

I had to continue the Low Iodine diet for 24 hours after the RAI dose. I had a little appetite that night but really haven't had one since. Ugh. And to think I was all excited about going off of the stupid low iodine thing and thrilled about getting to eat real food again. I've hardly eaten at all. My appetite will return some day.

My parents are so cute. They ate their dinner down the hallway, at a safe distance, so we could talk!

They are the best!! :)

So, I am writing this on my second day after the RAI. I have slept a LOT. I haven't felt well. I've had some nausea, but have been taking Phenergan, which also makes me sleep. I feel weak and achey. My salivary glands are sore and swollen and today I woke up with a very hoarse and raspy voice. I'm sure this is correlated to my salivary glands being swollen and causing swelling in my throat. I've been a worried wreck about my family at home since they have all been sick with the Stomach virus. And to think I was worried about my husband being able to handle taking care of the kids under normal situation. He has been SUPER dad and has impressed me immensely! He has been thrown up on and pooped on and had to clean up more nastiness than anyone ever should have. Then he was struck with it and he still managed. My mother in law will be coming down tomorrow to help out and give him a much deserved break and some rest. He is my hero! I miss my babies like crazy, but look forward to going home to them when everyone, including me, is well! This will all be a distant memory before we know it.

With that I am signing off and going to bed. No dinner for me tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

I really know how to light up a room....

with my glowing personality! :)
No. Seriously. LOL!
See... can't you see the glow?

Okay, maybe it is just the flash?!

I had to go in to the hospital today to get my RAI, Radioactive Iodine Ablation treatment. It was just me swallowing two radiactive pills, but it was very interesting. I will be blogging about the latest "stuff" with my Thyroid Cancer and treatment, as well as my time in isolation. Taking the pill makes ME radioactive! I will be at my parents, in their guest room (a very sweet set-up, actually), for the next 12 days. I will be away from my OMG -he will be 9 months old tomorrow!!!!- 9 month old and 2 1/2 year old and my sweet husband. This is painfully sad for me. BUT, I must focus on the postives. I will get some much needed rest and relaxation. I can hopefully de-stress a LOT now that we are on the downhill side of this cancer business! Sleep. This is another thing that I DESPERATELY need to catch up on and I haven't had any uninterrupted sleep in years. Seriously. And, finally, I will get some SEWING done!!! So.. I am dubbing this my "Radioactive Sewing Retreat"! It has a nice ring to it, methinks! So, I was going to say that this retreat will begin tomorrow, but I may or may not have already started sewing. I may or may not have made an apron already...



Appointment with the Endocrinologist

I finally got to see my endocrinologist. They actually got me in very quickly- just four days! Sadly, my husband couldn't make it to the appointment because daycare called saying that the little guy had a fever of 101.8 and had to be picked up. Luckily my parents went with me so I wasn't alone. It was like a class reunion at the appointment! Turns out my Endo went to medical school with my parents at University of Kentucky! Small, small world! He was a good guy and very honest about things, which we all appreciated. I had two tumors on my thyroid (one on the right and one on the left). The right tumor was Papillary cancer and the left one was Follicular cancer- they were both primaries, meaning it wasn't on one side and then metastasized to the other. He said that it was extremely rare to have what I have; that most people if they do have cancer only have it on one side and the size of it is very small. He also said that I had a significant amount of cancer. So, with all of that I am a medium to high risk for recurrence, and will be monitored more closely than someone with fewer risk factors. I certainly am glad to know all of this and not be left wondering and guessing. I will go back on November 1st to have my TSH level checked and will begin the LID (low iodine diet) on this day and continue it for the next two weeks. Assuming my levels are where they need them to be (TSH high enough for the RAI), then I will be taking the pill on November 15th. I will be doing my isolation at my parents house since their guest room is in a separate wing of the house. It will be a long week away from my babies and my husband, but the following week is Thanksgiving and I sure will have a TON to be thankful for and I will get a whole week to enjoy my family!

Thank you all for the support and prayers! Enough of this cancer stuff... let's get back to crafting and sewing!! I have a lot of posting to catch up on!

Updates

I had my stitches removed at my follow-up with my surgeon. Holy fire in your neck! Whew! But, they are out, the glue is still there and obviously the stitches inside. My incision is starting to look better and finally when I sneeze now I don't feel like my insides are going to spew out through my neck! I will see him again in three weeks and will be seeing an endocrinologist in the next week or two. I am looking forward to seeing him so that I can get some questions answered from him- instead of doing my own research. I love the information superhighway, but would rather hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak! My surgeon stopped my meds since I will be having the RAI treatment in six weeks and you have to be off of them completely for 6 weeks. My body will become "hypo". I'm not sure if my Endo will put me on Cytomel or not since I haven't seen him yet. I also don't yet know how long I will have to be isolated from everyone. This will be the hardest part of it all. Being away from my kids for up to 8 days (from what I've read), makes me so very sad! I will have to do a Low Iodine diet for the two weeks before the RAI. It isn't horrible, basically I can't eat anything that is pre-packaged or pre-manufactured, no dairy at all, nothing with salt (I can add Kosher salt to my own food), no egg yolks and nothing with whole eggs in it, and only 5oz of meat a day. I will be eating a lot of fresh fruits, veggies, my serving of meat, and baking my own bread. There is a wonderful resource for this diet that is chock full of allowed recipes. My mom is being amazing and we are going to have a day or two of meal prep and will be making some meals that can be frozen ahead of time.
Even though this isn't going to be a rip-roaring fun time, it is completely do-able and manageable. It could be SO much worse and I am thankful that I only have to do this pill and not go through Chemo. God is good.
Here is what I have to look forward to when "going hypo". This is more of a warning to my family and friends! LOL!

"Going Hypo"

Our bodies require thyroid hormone (T4); a hormone taken in synthetic form (by a daily pill) once the thyroid has been removed. The body also requires T3 which it converts from T4. Without thyroid hormone, the body produces an increasing amount of thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH). An elevated TSH of at least 30 mIU/L is needed for the RAI treatment to be effective. To achieve this rise in TSH, patients may be instructed to stop taking their thyroid hormone replacement pills.
Becoming hypothyroid by hormone withdrawal, involves stopping levothyroxine (T4; the drug’s brand names in Canada are Synthroid and Eltroxin) for approximately 4-6 weeks prior to RAI treatment. During the time that levothyroxine is not taken, Cytomel (T3) may be prescribed. Cytomel is a fast-acting (and fast dissipating) form of thyroid hormone used to minimize the symptoms of hypothyroidism during hormone withdrawal. Cytomel is stopped approximately 2 weeks prior to RAI treatment.
‘Going hypo’ is a gradual process with symptoms increasing slowly over the six week period. The longer the patient is off of thyroid hormone, especially during the last two weeks prior to RAI treatment when no thyroid hormone is taken, the more likely the patient will experience symptoms of hypothyroidism.
Some Symptoms Associated with Hypothyroidism:
*Tiredness, loss of energy, weakness
*Trouble sleeping, nightmares or excess sleep
*Puffiness especially in the face and bloating
*Loss of ability to concentrate, memory loss, absentmindedness
*Weight gain
*Anxiety, panic attacks, irritability, mood swings
*Depression
*Dry eyes, skin and hair; hair loss
*Change in menstrual cycle
*Joint pains and stiffness, muscle cramps
*Intolerance to cold
*Constipation
*Tingling or numbness in fingers or toes
*Itchiness
*Ringing in ears
*Slight changes in eyesight

In other news, Olivia received her blanket and pants. Her sister said that she brings the blanket with her everywhere and that she loves it! Yay! I'm so glad! :)

Quilt for a cause!

A few weeks after finding out about my own cancer deal, I was on Babycenter (a website for mommies). They have a lot of different groups for common interests such as birth clubs for your baby, or my personal favorite- a crafting and sewing group!  I have gotten a lot of neat ideas and inspiration from the ladies over there and then I read about a 14 year old girl name Olivia.

This is the original post:

Yes, it is odd to make a 'lovie' for a 14 yo girl, but this is a special girl who found on on Friday that she has a cancerous mass around her knee, and started very aggressive chemo therapy on Monday, after having surgery to put in 2 ports in her chest.

She has a very long road ahead of her and I want to make her something that she can take back and forth with her to hold onto when she is having a bad day. She was told to expect her hair to fall out so I will probably make some fleece hats for her when it gets a little colder out.

We have our house on the market to sell, so I don't want to get a ton of sewing stuff out that will take a lot of time to clean up if we have a showing.

And if any of you are the praying type, please pray for Olivia.

I read this on a Wednesday and I was going to be out for my own surgery starting on Friday, but I knew I had to do something! I replied saying that I was touched by this and wanted to make something for her. I asked Debbe (the person who posted) what the teenager liked and *shocker* the response was TWILIGHT!! (with the caveat that she did NOT like Jacob! But, um he's the hot one!!! I digress..). I am a teacher and have a huge network of other teachers and people in the district available via a virtual "bulletin board", so I posted that I was in search of Twilight t-shirts that would be used for a quilt for Olivia, but that I needed them by Friday! I was impressed with the responses I received and ended up collecting six shirts! Some of them even came from students in the district! Amazing!
I went home and found a large piece of black fleece that I could use for the back of the blanket and hadn't yet decided what I would do for the borders. I packed up the shirts and fleece along with my hospital bags and "after hospital" bag that would be taken out to my parents house where I would be for a few days after I was released from the hospital. I had my surgery on Tuesday and was at my parents from Thursday evening until Sunday. I managed to get the shirts cut apart, laid out in a design that would work for the blanket, and then sewn together. I also made one of the shirts into a pair of yoga pants following this tutorial. I finished up the blanket after I got home and was able to get into my fabric stash and figure out what I was going to use for my borders. I found a mustardy colored fleece that I think coordinated well with some of the colors in the t-shirt graphics. I am super pleased with the final product, but I learned a big lesson when making this! I should have treated it like a quilt and pinned the heck out of the sucker!! There is some bunching on the back, but it doesn't affect the purpose or function of the blanket and hopefully Olivia won't mind!! At least the front looks fab! :)

Here it is- all laid out on the floor of my mom's sewing room. All of the fabric here (besides the fleece back) is from the t-shirts. I cut them up and used as much as I could!

   

Here we are on the floor of my 2-year old's bedroom with the top and bottom border added.

Side borders have been added. I ended up having to trim down the side borders because um.. it was bigger than the back  of the blanket. Totally should measure the back of the blanket to make sure it is squared up *before* making the front! Just sayin'..

It is all pinned and ready to be sewn!

VIOLA! There she be! Team Edward... and stuff!

 Here's the super awesome and amazingly comfortable yoga pants from a t-shirt!

I received the following message from one of Olivia's sisters. THIS is why I took the time to do this. Reading this letter brought tears to my eyes. I hope Olivia loves this and that it can bring comfort to her during this difficult time.

Tracy, My name in Erin and I am the oldest sister of Olivia to whom the blanket is for. I can not begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and what you are doing for Olivia. Olivia LOVES Twilight and when Debbie first told me that she had a friend who could make this kind of thing, I didn't realize she meant right away. She told me about your cancer and b/c I see what Olivia is going through everyday, I didn't think this would have been something you could feel up to doing now. Words can not decribe how perfect the blanket is and she will just be as blown away as I am. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making the blanket and pray that our Lord will help you to heal quickly. If there's anything I can do, I know Debbie said you don't want payment, but maybe a donation??? I would be more than willing. Neither Olivia or our parent's know about this b/c I didn't realize how quick it would be so they will be so happy. thank you once again and know that you will be in my heart and prayers. Sincerley, Erin

FYI- I did not, and will not, accept payment for this. Thinking about and working on this blanket was therapeutic for me and I enjoyed it, every step of the way!

Cancer sucks!

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up! But seriously, my lack of posting is due to the chaos that has been surrounding my life and at the center of it is cancer. This has been one HECK of a roller coaster! I'm not a fan of roller coasters, emotional ones included! When I last wrote I told you of having to go to an Oncologist. Well, I went and she pretty much wondered why we were there. She said we should have gone to a surgeon and referred us to one. She also said that the pathology from the needle biopsy wasn't 100% saying that it was cancer and she believed that it probably was NOT, it could be, but she really doubted it. I was stunned. I felt stupid. No what? My parents and husband were excited at the "it's not cancer" prospect, but I wasn't convinced. I just had a feeling. So, to surgeon #1 we go. He was a head and neck surgeon and a good guy. I didn't like that he inserted a camera UP my  nose to look down into my throat, but bygones. He also said that it *may* not be cancer, but according to the pathology from the biopsy, it looked like it probably was... Again, huh? Although we all felt like this guy knew what he was doing, I wanted a second opinion from another surgeon. Enter surgeon #2. This one came highly recommended. He was a general surgeon and did a LOT of thyroids among other things, heart surgery included. My father (and mother and husband) went with me to the appointment. My dad is a retired heart surgeon and knew his father (who was a famous heart surgeon) so they really hit it off. I knew #2 was the one. He also felt very confident that we were just dealing with a multi-nodule goiter (even though there was only two masses- one on the right and one on the left). Again, I didn't celebrate, I held on to my gut feeling. Surgery was scheduled for two weeks. I went on about my life as a mother, teacher, and wife and held my head high. People remarked frequently that I was handling things so well. Indeed I was because, heck it may not even BE cancer!

Fast forward to THE day. Surgery. My mother in law came down to take care of the kids (praise God for her!). My husband and I had to be at the hospital at 5:15am. Holy moley! Surgery was scheduled for 7:15. We went in to the Patient Assessment place at the hospital, the same place I was for my Pre-op appointment the day before. I got in my gown, talked with the nurse, answered questions that I had already been asked and would be asked yet again later on. I had to pump as well since it was going to be several hours before I would be able to. Then they put me in a bed and rolled me to the elevator and up to the "holding room". This was so weird. It was like a big huge room where they wheeled everyone to get them prepped before surgery. The nurse, nurse anesthetists, anesthesiologist, and the surgeon all came there to talk to you. They put in your IV there as well as the funky leg things that inflate and deflate to keep your circulation going and prevent clotting in your legs. I got to watch the young girl across from me cry, and she got to watch me cry too. As the time went by, more and more people were wheeled in there, getting prepped for the first surgeries of the day. The time finally came when my husband had to go to the waiting room and I had to be wheeled away. Everyone was so good and so reassuring and tried to calm me down and quell my fears (of throwing up after I woke up, of all things!). I remember entering the operating room and the oxygen mask. I also remember the smell of the plastic mask and then the smell of something else.. and viola! I woke up in recovery. It was painful. It sucked. I was not happy. In fact, I believe my first thought was how angry I was at every person who had been through this that had told me how "easy" it was!! EASY?! Are you kidding me?!?! I felt like I had just had a c-section on my neck. I sort of had, but I didn't have a baby out of the deal! I've had two c-sections and I believe I'd rather have another one than have this surgery. My mom and husband were excited- they said that the surgeon had told them that they only found .5cm of cancer in the right tumor that they did a frozen section of in the OR! He didn't think I'd have to do the radiation pill post operatively and that he should be able to manage my meds w/out the need of seeing an endocrinologist. When he came to visit me he said the same thing, but added that we would, of course, have to wait for the final pathology which should come in 48 hours.

Clear liquid diet = yuck. I pretty much didn't eat for two days. For one, it hurt like hell, and for two salt water ("broth) wasn't at all appealing. I had to stay an extra day because my calcium levels were too low and they needed them to increase before discharging me. When I was finally discharged, my path results still weren't back. He told me we would go over them in the office at my post op appointment in 10 days. My parents, being the doctors they are, wanted to see the path report so the office faxed them to my dad. I didn't realize he had them until he sat me down on Saturday evening. It turns out that the right side wasn't just .5cm of cancer, it was actually 1.7cm and the left side wasn't just a goiter, but 2.5cm of cancer! HEARTBREAKING. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to think. My mind was racing. All of this back and forth business and here we were again, back at square one- you have cancer. All along that gut feeling I had was justified. I was right, it WAS cancer. So here we are. I'm at home recovering and trying to figure things out. I have good days and bad days, happy moments and sad ones. Since I haven't had my post op appointment with my surgeon I don't know the plan for sure from here, but it will involve an endocrinologist and likely scans and the RAI (radioactive) pill. Ugh.

I will get through this. I will be fine. I will be stronger for it, but I can't help but wonder why and question why this is happening to me. I just turned 33 two days ago; I'm still "young". I'm a fighter dang it! I will hold me head up high and keep on trucking. As bad as this seems, at least I am here, the cancer was removed when the thyroid was taken out, and at least we found this and acted quickly!

** I have to tell you who my neighbors were for my hospital stay. To my right was a prison inmate. She was guarded 24/7 by a sheriff. I felt safe.. sort of. To my left was someone with MRSA. Lovely. She had issues. Like something was NOT right with her. I kept my air on (it was really loud) so I didn't have to listen to her hacking in her room. Needless to say my nurses, nursing assistants, dietary, and housekeeping people liked me. I made a lot of friends during my stay!! They were great!

This is me before they put me on the bed.. and before the tears began!

My gory neck. Frankenstein much?

This was breakfast on day 2. That dark liquid is BEEF broth. BREAKFAST people!! All I ate from this tray was the apple juice and half of the popsicle.

My digs. Cozy....

My view of downtown Fort Worth.

The cot that my dear husband slept on each night. It was so awesome that he stayed with me.

I had to pump and dump the first 24 hours. After that I was able to save the milk, but I ran out of lids! So.... I asked for baggies and rubber bands from the nurse. All they had were biohazard specimen bags!

Breakfast day 3. They had me on a HIGH calcium diet once they moved me to "full liquids" after the clear liquid diet. I see a theme on this tray! Good thing I'm not lactose intolerant (but I don't like milk!).

Yucky picture of the patient (I've lost almost 10lbs since then!).

My "ride" out of the hospital! What is this thing and what happened to wheel chairs? It was actually pretty cool though b/c it held all of your bags and belongings!

Gorgeous flowers from my little brother and sister in law!

That's right. Survivor. You can't beat me.